Dec. 14 Medical Update- Probable New Tumor
Today we received bad news that the “spot” from last month’s MRI has doubled in size. This most likely signals that I have a tumor recurrence. This is not good. The doctor suggested we have it removed surgically as soon as we can. The “spot” is about 18mm across, which is very small compared to the original tumor removed February 19, 2019 (the size of my closed fist).
The location of this tumor is right on the edge of my skull in the cavity from where the other tumor was removed. The doctor will use the same “door” he created in February to resect it. The craniotomy (high tech medical term) will involve going through some of the scar tissue from the first surgery. It will take a little longer to heal than the first time. The surgeon suggested that my overall health, strength and support team are definitely working in my favor. He expects a relatively quick recovery for me. We hope to know the make-up of the tissue soon after surgery. We hope it is inflammation instead of cancer.
This potential recurrence is serious because it means the treatment we have been doing is not working. From the beginning, we have discussed with the doctors that the worst threat is when we have a tumor that is inoperable. That would probably be the beginning of the end.
I am still 100% committed to living! The fight is still on. My great desire is to fight with the strength and tenacity the Lord gives. I do not want to merely fight with just my human strength. I want God’s strength so that He is the one glorified and not me.
As of today, Friday Dec. 13, we do not know where we will do the surgery. We may do it in Houston on Wednesday Dec. 18 or we may be able to have it done in Columbia, MO Dec. 18 or 20. We have a consult with Dr. Bonderant (our first surgeon) on Monday Dec. 16 at home. We have been pondering this decision the past two days. Please pray for us to have clear thinking as we navigate this decision.
Our time with the team of cancer docs and nurses was good, but it also felt like we received a new diagnosis all over again. We felt similar to how we felt Feb. 20 when we received the initial diagnosis. It was heavy, disappointing, emotionally painful, strangely peaceful and sad all at once. We imagine this new reality will come into focus more in the days ahead.
The month leading up to the follow-up MRI was mostly peaceful as it related to it’s scariness. Even in the 2 days preceding the MRI I had a peace. Amy, however, has had a sense of uneasiness this past week. It is just heavy again. I do not suggest my peace is dependent on a preferred outcome but more upon a strong and loving Father.
I plan on getting some special time alone with the Lord to get His strength. I just feel heavy. I have been mentally reviewing my verses that have been “in” me for years. They have brought comfort. They are both reminders of what I need to think and believe now but also reminders of where my faith has been for years and years. Theologically, it is NOT our faith that saves us. It is God who saves. Our faith is merely the muscle in which we express trust. God saves. Faith seems to be the grasping for belief.
In addition to experiencing all that pain and sadness and fear, I am resolved to fiercely grip the grace of God. I believe He loves me regardless of the outcome! Look at this cool verse in 1Peter 5:10;
“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.”
1 Peter is all about suffering and how to suffer well. This is just another nugget to hold onto in the midst of the Storm. Notice WHO does the action verbs. Clue - it is not us. (Except for the suffering part there at the outset of the verse.)
Amy and I covet your prayers and encouragement. We will most likely increase our frequency of updates in this new Storm season. We love you! Texting is a fast and easy way to say something to us. John: 573-999-1776 or Amy: 573-999-3776. We may not be able to get back to you, but we love reading what you have to say and feel blessed by you.